Parents and carers may need time and support to understand the experience of their LGBTIQ+ child, and families may also need support to navigate a time of change which can be distressing for all.
Different family structures and dynamics affect each family's reaction to their child, as well as the child themself.
Approach the situation with care and compassion for everyone, to both support the family and provide allyship for your client who may feel isolated and distressed by their family’s lack of knowledge.
To support parents and carers to understand their young person’s experiences:
- speak with them about their child’s experience and offer education, referrals and support, when relevant
- communicate to them the importance of respecting boundaries, as they try to understand their LGBTIQ+ child while also balancing the needs of other children and family members
- help them understand the potential harm to their child from being misunderstood
- include them in the LGBTIQ+ affirming care of their child, and recognise they may also need patience and care when going through change.
Rainbow family experiences
The term ‘rainbow family’ refers to those with gender-diverse members or LGBTIQ+ parented families. Like all families, they come in different shapes and sizes, and their experiences can vary widely based on factors such as location, cultural background and legal status.2
Thirty years of research has shown that children from same-sex parent families perform comparably with, or better than, their peers in academic areas.1
Children from rainbow families participate and engage in games and activities at the same level as their peers, despite longstanding prejudice to the contrary. They also develop a heightened understanding and respect for diversity and become more resilient in the face of discrimination.
Intersex variations – family experiences
Young people with intersex variations and their families may have been aware of the variation since pregnancy or birth, or become aware of a variation during childhood or adolescence. They may experience stigma and discrimination in medical and community settings.
Some families are misled by medical professionals about what is best for their child. Family dynamics are affected by the way health professionals and society stigmatise their child’s body. Some parents might feel guilt, responsibility or shame for their child’s variation. In some families, these responses might take the form of violence towards the child. In many others, there are relational impacts that affect a young person’s wellbeing and sense of belonging.
When the doctor spoke to my dad about my variation when I was 11, they told him I’d never be a real boy or want to do things that boys would usually want to do with their dads. My dad started treating me differently after that and it impacted our relationship a lot. There was grief for what was lost.
References
1. Kabátek J, Perales F. Academic achievement of children in same- and different-sex-parented families: a population-level analysis of linked administrative data from the Netherlands. Demography. 2021;58(2). DOI: 10.1215/00703370-8994569
2. Pregnancy, Birth & Baby. Same sex families. Australian Government Dept of Health and Aged Care; Canberra ACT: September 2024 [cited September 2024].